Despite being such a rare and secretive condition, BIID seems to have inspired plenty of fiction on the internet. Much of it may have more to do with devotees and pretenders than BIID, but in any case, most of these tales of achieving an intensely longed for disability have something in common – they are not very realistic. Often the disability appears magically or through the skillful hand of the devotee partner who just happens to be a talented surgeon or be in possession of some miraculous injectable drug. Usually once the disability is achieved there is more attention paid to how the disability impacts making love than living life. Most of these fantasies are lots of fun and succeed in entertaining and arousing their target audience.
This story is also a fantasy, but an attempt at a more realistic one. What would it be like to desire a particularly severe disability and have that desire fulfilled? What would the impact be on one’s health, one’s family, and one’s sense of well-being and identity?
Axel Dreams 
Hi, Again, thank you so much for writing this, I totally identify, and hope you will continue soon. The attention to detail, the knowledge of detail you have so totally amazes me, the description of the emotions and thoughts just amaze me. again thanks for writing this, lots of love.
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Thank you so much for your comments. I will definitely continue writing Diana’s story.
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Thank you so, so, so, SO MUCH for this story!!!!
I have BIID, nothing as “extreme” as diana, just double-leg BTK, but you never ever see positive stories about it… some of the only positive media I’ve seen about BIID has been an anonymous message board(whose link I unfortunately lost when my laptop was stolen) that was tucked away in some hidden corner of the internet where people would come to say they were about to do something, or to ask what other people’s plans were, or to celebrate their plan going off without a hitch. It was exciting, but also so sad to see all these people huddled together in secret, desperately whispering stories to each other about better days, and every part of it was so heavily soaked in shame and fear of discovery…
Well, I’m getting dramatic and flowery and entirely off-point. I just– media is so important, it shapes things more than anyone can realize… And seeing something that’s a work of fiction instead of a real-life interview with someone with BIID, AND that work of fiction NOT focusing on how someone with BIID is “crazy” and “weird” and “bad” and “shameful”, but is instead totally and completely nonjudgmental??? It’s just so. It’s so much and it matters so much and it’s so important and even though I can’t fully sympathize with wanting to be paralyzed, it still rings so true to me in so many ways and this is just really really wonderfully written and I love it and it’s great.
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Thank you so much TheTrueMeEndsBelowTheKnee for your comments. They really mean a lot to me! It’s great motivation to keep the story going.
Not sure which message board you are referring to, but it could be the now defunct transabled.org. You can still see some of it preserved by the Wayback Machine here:
http://web.archive.org/web/20121022165242/http://transabled.org/
There’s also a Yahoo group that is current, but not too active here:
https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/fighting-it/info
The most active forum I’ve found is in German – worth checking out if you know any German: http://forum.biid.ch/index.php
There are also forums in Spanish and Russian, but they are less active than the German-speaking one.
There is no denying the shame and secrecy around BIID. I think a lot of the stigma is due to deeply entrenched ableism, but it’s more than that . . . The growing evidence for a neurological underpinning to the disorder may help bring it out of the shadows, but it will never be a straightforward neurological condition. How it plays out in each person’s life is different and influenced by so many factors including culture, psychology, and personal history. I’ve met people with BIID through the internet – the only way you really can with something so rare and lonely – so of course my assessment is limited, but from what I can tell we’re a diverse group of intelligent, thoughtful, accomplished, caring, and “normal” or close to normal folks.
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Hi, please don’t feel you have to apologize for not writing for a while, regular life gets in the way sometimes, we all understand that, of course I do hope that there will be a next installment in this wonderful, wonderful story some time in the future. lots of love
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Thanks so much for your support Anonymous – I’m working on it! I really appreciate your understanding . . . .
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Thank you so much for this lovely, wonderful chapter, well worth the wait!!
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You’re very welcome. Thanks for your comment!
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Any chance of further chapters? I would hate to see this excellent story abandoned
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I have many chapters ready to go in my head – just need to find the time to write them. Thanks for the encouragement!
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